I just don't get it.

There are so many questions I have to ask my Heavenly Father after I die. I understand that life is a test. I know that people have to experience challenges. It just seems to me that sometimes those challenges are so unfair. Bad things happen to such good people and such wonderful things happen to not so nice people. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that justice is eternal. Thank goodness for that. I don't know how people can continue to hope or exist without that knowledge.

I've been thinking a lot about this little baby I am so blessed to be carrying right now. I am so worried that I have not taken good enough care of myself to give birth to a healthy baby. I did not start my prenatal vitamins early enough because I was not expecting to conceive. We were using contraception.. I only have one tube.. no way was I going to get pregnant. I have been feeling ill and getting migraines and haven't been regular with my vitamins. I live a very clean lifestyle.. no drinking, no smoking.. never even tried any of it. However, there is always this looming feeling that i am not eating the right things or doing something that will jeopardize the health of our baby. After all, my mom and dad have 8 healthy grandchildren.. one has to have problems SOMETIMES, right? It's such a pessimistic thought, but i worry quite a lot about it. I am hoping that after my 20 week u/s I can feel better about it.

My children are growing so quickly that it's hard to believe that I am old enough to have them. I don't feel old enough to have a 5 year old who will be starting kindergarten this year. She's so articulate. She uses words like "exasperating", "actually", and "also" instead of "too". She's an amazing soccer player. She's got a terrific voice.. on key most of the time. My most favorite trait of hers is her amazingly kind heart. What a gift she is... She is always thinking of others. When it was her turn to bring a snack to preschool she wanted to make sure that we brought something that the little boy with food allergies could eat. She actively engaged our neighbor's little 3 year old in helping with our flower beds. She let her dig the hole for the flowers and told her "that's perfect! good job!". She certainly has her moments.. she IS a typical 5 year old.. but I wouldn't trade her sweet, kind heart for anything.