I was never good at journaling either

All of my journal entries on paper begin with "it's been a long time" or "so many things have happened since..". I really need to motivate myself to record things better. Thanks Gretchen for the nudge in the right direction.

Actually now seems a really good time for a blog entry. I've been going through somewhat of a rough patch where parenting is concerned. It started with Nathan's travel picking up and then with a long bout of sicknesses in our house and I am just stuck in a funk. I'm not being a good mother. I have a short fuse and low level of tolerance. My friends notice it. I feel like I would love to have someone to talk to about it but not sure who that would be. I talk to Nathan and, bless his heart, his feedback is 'I'm sorry'. I don't think my kids deserve the kind of mother they have right now. If I didn't have such strong feelings about being home with them, I'd look for a part time job just to get out of here for a while.

Taking the girls out is a challenge lately. Melody is wanting to use her new found walking skills and Maya is just in the whiney 2-3 year old stage. Morgan tries to 'help' and Maya gets ticked off even more. And what is it with the crabby elderly ladies lately?? I am getting parenting advice and dirty looks EVERYWHERE! Don't they remember that they were there once?? Infuriating! I have held my toungue for the last time. I swear the next person is going to get an earful.

My exercising is keeping me somewhat sane. I am at the gym every morning, 6 days a week for an hour on the elliptical and a shower by myself. It's not even really for the exercise anymore but for the alone time. That's how I get myself out of bed at 5am. My diet is OK but I'm hanging out around 144lbs so i've gained about 5 back. I would like to lose it before my surgery in January but still can't stop shoving holiday food in my face.

The kids are doing well. Morgan's still super-enthusiastic about gymnastics and the other two are keeping me busy at home. I hope that I can get out of this funk and enjoy them more while they are still little.