Shiela told me to.

I don't have time to post right now, but Shiela told me to so I did. I'll post more this weekend hopefully. (((Shiela)))

Looking forward to a new year

I have a feeling that 2007 will be a great year. My kids are getting a little older. They sleep well (when they aren't sick). I only have one in diapers. She'll most likely potty train this year. They all eat 'big people' food. Family dinners are actually enjoyable and we can all sit together. They still argue. They still have their moments... don't get me wrong! They are far from perfect kids but I can honestly say that I am enjoying them so much.

I love to watch Morgan 'teach' her sisters how to do gymnastics. Even Melody tries to do a forward roll... she just bends over, puts her hands on the ground and sticks her cute little bootie in the air. Maya flails her arms around and proceeds to roll forward with pomp and circumstance, culminating in the ever present "ta-da"!

I'm feeling the fittest I have ever felt. I'm at my lowest weight I have been in my adult life (ok, so there are a few holiday pounds but I can take them off no problem). Working out is routine for me. I'm up every morning. 5am. No question. Mom will be home by 7. I make better food choices even when i'm not on program. I get to have my surgery in less that two weeks. Physically I have never felt better.

Nathan's going through another buyout with his company but this time we already know that his job is going to be there. He's received an offer letter already. What a blessing!! He's such a good worker and I am so proud of him. I watched him as he left the house to take Melody to a doctor's appointment the other day. (I had another appointment and he jumped right in to take her.) I thought to myself how wonderful he is and how I am fortunate to have married such a great man who loves his family so much.

2007 is going to be a great year. I just have this feeling.

Blessings, a lesson from Peter

I have so many blessings. Truly. Next time I complain about something trivial like a stomach bug or the stress of having three kids just remind me about Peter. Peter is a little boy who is Morgan's age. We used to car pool to preschool. He went to Morgan's school. He was the sweetest little red headed boy and that's saying a lot because I have a HUGE preference for girls. I don't know why. I just do. That's that. Peter won me over. He is funny, quirky, polite and well mannered. His mother reminds me a little of Bree on Desperate Housewives, down to the red hair and home-made gift baskets.

Peter's battling a brain tumor. They can't even biopsy it because of the location of it on his brain stem. He has to endure chemotherapy for the next six weeks before they can even determine what they can do with it. I can't get this little angel of a boy out of my head. What would I do if this were my child? How is his mother surviving? I'm not that strong. I feel helpless. All I can do is fall to my knees and pray constantly that he will pull through this and continue with the strength that I know he has. He's a special kid... surely his mission on this earth isn't over yet. If you're reading this, please remember little 7 year old Peter in your prayers.

I was never good at journaling either

All of my journal entries on paper begin with "it's been a long time" or "so many things have happened since..". I really need to motivate myself to record things better. Thanks Gretchen for the nudge in the right direction.

Actually now seems a really good time for a blog entry. I've been going through somewhat of a rough patch where parenting is concerned. It started with Nathan's travel picking up and then with a long bout of sicknesses in our house and I am just stuck in a funk. I'm not being a good mother. I have a short fuse and low level of tolerance. My friends notice it. I feel like I would love to have someone to talk to about it but not sure who that would be. I talk to Nathan and, bless his heart, his feedback is 'I'm sorry'. I don't think my kids deserve the kind of mother they have right now. If I didn't have such strong feelings about being home with them, I'd look for a part time job just to get out of here for a while.

Taking the girls out is a challenge lately. Melody is wanting to use her new found walking skills and Maya is just in the whiney 2-3 year old stage. Morgan tries to 'help' and Maya gets ticked off even more. And what is it with the crabby elderly ladies lately?? I am getting parenting advice and dirty looks EVERYWHERE! Don't they remember that they were there once?? Infuriating! I have held my toungue for the last time. I swear the next person is going to get an earful.

My exercising is keeping me somewhat sane. I am at the gym every morning, 6 days a week for an hour on the elliptical and a shower by myself. It's not even really for the exercise anymore but for the alone time. That's how I get myself out of bed at 5am. My diet is OK but I'm hanging out around 144lbs so i've gained about 5 back. I would like to lose it before my surgery in January but still can't stop shoving holiday food in my face.

The kids are doing well. Morgan's still super-enthusiastic about gymnastics and the other two are keeping me busy at home. I hope that I can get out of this funk and enjoy them more while they are still little.

Melody Melody Melody....

It's so unfair that I haven't blogged about my little blessing yet. What a miracle. Boy does God know what he is doing. I have had my faith strengthened a million times over. I always believed that you were never given more than you can handle. I have a serious testimony of that now. Having our third baby has been HARD. It's been the hardest work I have ever done. But do you know what? The Lord provided me with help. He gave me amazing friends who are there for me. He gave me an amazing husband and beautiful, healthy children.

Melody is amazing. She is the happiest, most contented baby. She is the completion of our family. I am so glad that the decision to have her was not mine. There are greater plans. I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Where did this month go?

It's already almost July??!! We're having the baby around the end of September.. can someone please slow down the clock? (Ok, remind me of this during my last 6 weeks) Last night we had a major milestone. Maya slept on a mattress on the floor of Morgan's room. It went really well for a first night out of the crib. My two girls are adorable. Nathan took over the night time routine. He dealt with Maya getting used to her new surroundings, read her a few extra books. She fell asleep about 9:00 and only woke up once at 3 am. I stayed with her for about 30 mins and she was up again at 6:30 which is a record for her. She's been getting up earlier and earlier. Morgan walked her into our room at about 6:30 and was raving about how they had a good night and could Maya please stay in there all the time now. She said she didn't mind if we had to turn off the nightlight, etc.. I don't know if the excitement will last, but I love the sweet relationship my littlest baby and her little "mother" have. Maya adores Morgan. She always has. Morgan got the first smiles and laughs when Maya was tiny. When we were watching Morgan at soccer camp this week Maya wanted to be with her. As soon as Morgan was done, she jumped into her arms. It's so amazing to watch two little beings love each other so much. What did I do to deserve such amazing blessings? I'm in awe of my Father in Heaven.

Neglectful Blogger

News News News!! There is so much. First and foremost.. we are almost SURE we are having girl #3!!!!!!!! Melody Rebekah will be her name. We're having a 3D sono done on July 1st so we can get some good pictures of her and make sure she is who she says she is LOL. My mother is coming up so she will be able to be there. I am thrilled since she hasn't been able to visit for a little while. This week was a good week. Morgan did her gymnastics camp and really enjoyed herself. She is lucky to have a soccer camp next week too. I hope it will go as well. She really seems to have thrown herself into gymnastics. She's a little rubber band.

Maya's doing really well. She's saying a new word just about every day and it's adorable. Some favorites are "duck, kitty, shoes, baby..." just to name a few. Her little voice is priceless.

This week is father's day.. this is what I got for Nathan..



He has one from a few years ago with Morgan. I suppose we'll have a line of three of them next year :) .

Once a worrier.. always a worrier..

All of my life i've worried about things. I've worried that I have offended someone.. I've worried about little things like exams or presentations in school. I've worried about the weather, the health or well being of family members. But WOW.. being a mother.. is the biggest worry of them all. The Lord has blessed me with 2 very amazing children and has seen fit to give me another. Some days I feel like I am failing him. My Morgan is incredible. I know I say it a lot, but I get so many compliments about her. "She's so intelligent!" "She's so compassionate!" "We love to have Morgan over!" "Do you rehearse music with her? She's always on pitch!" "Wow - look at her play soccer! What a go-getter!" I BEAM with pride every time I hear those things. She's invited to a million birthday parties.. She's popular with her group of friends. She is well liked. Why is it that she is so hard on herself? What could I have done to make her feel like she isn't good enough? She is so much more than good enough! I worry that I am going to do the same thing with my next two kids.

Maya is so precious. She hates it when Daddy leaves for work in the morning. She cries at the door for a little bit. She clings to him in the morning. She gets so excited when he walks in the door after work. She is amazed at any form of animal, but seems to REALLY love dogs. She makes a "woof" sound through her pacifier when she sees one. She dances to ANY music... shakes her little tushie. Her smile will melt your heart and when she cuddles me I just want it to last forever. I really don't want to mess her up. I pray every night that I can do better. Tonight I feel like I really should be doing better, ya know?

What is it about Saturday!? and 200 days left!

Every Saturday I get a headache. Migraines even. Killer. Poor Nathan is off every weekend and has an invalid for a wife. I was trying to think of what causes it.. what could trigger a migraine on Saturday? First I thought that it was soccer.. Morgan has her games on Saturday and I scream like a banshee when she scores a goal (which, by the way.. averages 6 per game... lots of screaming!) However, no soccer today.. so that isn't it.

On another note.. I don't think it will be too long before i don't get them any more. I got them when I was pregnant with Morgan and it didn't last into the second trimester. Oh.. did i mention that I only have 200 days left!!! Also.. that isn't even correct since I have scheduled sections and Maya came even earlier than that at 37 weeks. Soo... the most i have left is like 193 days.. cool beans. (not that i am in any way ready for a newborn yet)

Last week was a great week. Nathan took Morgan to club at work which was in Los Cabos this year. We contemplated going as a family but I opted to save the expensive airfare (we would have had to fork out 700$ for an extra ticket and Maya would have been on my lap for 2.5 hours) and went to San Antonio to hang out with my family instead. It turned out to be a great decision. Morgan and Daddy had a great time.. so sweet together. AND.. I got to take the child who has no opinion on what we should do during the day. :) I got to go wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. It was a really good time. My family is awesome and I have to say that my children are some of the most loved children on the face of this earth. We came home to find two Easter packages for the girls... from Scotland. Nathan's parents love them so much too. We are truly blessed.

I just don't get it.

There are so many questions I have to ask my Heavenly Father after I die. I understand that life is a test. I know that people have to experience challenges. It just seems to me that sometimes those challenges are so unfair. Bad things happen to such good people and such wonderful things happen to not so nice people. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that justice is eternal. Thank goodness for that. I don't know how people can continue to hope or exist without that knowledge.

I've been thinking a lot about this little baby I am so blessed to be carrying right now. I am so worried that I have not taken good enough care of myself to give birth to a healthy baby. I did not start my prenatal vitamins early enough because I was not expecting to conceive. We were using contraception.. I only have one tube.. no way was I going to get pregnant. I have been feeling ill and getting migraines and haven't been regular with my vitamins. I live a very clean lifestyle.. no drinking, no smoking.. never even tried any of it. However, there is always this looming feeling that i am not eating the right things or doing something that will jeopardize the health of our baby. After all, my mom and dad have 8 healthy grandchildren.. one has to have problems SOMETIMES, right? It's such a pessimistic thought, but i worry quite a lot about it. I am hoping that after my 20 week u/s I can feel better about it.

My children are growing so quickly that it's hard to believe that I am old enough to have them. I don't feel old enough to have a 5 year old who will be starting kindergarten this year. She's so articulate. She uses words like "exasperating", "actually", and "also" instead of "too". She's an amazing soccer player. She's got a terrific voice.. on key most of the time. My most favorite trait of hers is her amazingly kind heart. What a gift she is... She is always thinking of others. When it was her turn to bring a snack to preschool she wanted to make sure that we brought something that the little boy with food allergies could eat. She actively engaged our neighbor's little 3 year old in helping with our flower beds. She let her dig the hole for the flowers and told her "that's perfect! good job!". She certainly has her moments.. she IS a typical 5 year old.. but I wouldn't trade her sweet, kind heart for anything.

Time with my family

My mother and her twin sisters came to visit this week. Her sisters live in Lethbridge Alberta so it was nice to see them. We seldom get to see most of the family that still lives in Canada and it was so wonderful that they drove up from San Antonio together to see my kids and me. Morgan just loves her grandma so much and Maya warmed up to them very quickly. It was a short 24 hour visit but it was so nice. Nathan had business the last part of this week and is driving home from the airport right now. I'm so ready for the weekend. It's time to start work on the yard. I can see green blades of grass poking through the brown stuff. Next week I have my sister Liz coming to see me for a couple of days and then my older sister Sarah is coming up for part of the week. I am so excited for Sarah. She has a DATE. She has been talking to this guy for a few weeks and they are going to meet in person. I am really hopeful for her. She wants to find someone to share her life with so badly. She really is a gem too.

Sleeping bliss is over

Maya has been a good sleeper for a few months now. Even for naps I have been able to put her down awake, no problem. Today she is fighting me. I tried putting her down twice already and thinking she was just not ready, I went and got her. Now it's almost 1:00 and she hasn't napped yet today so it's scream time in the crib. I thought we were past that. I hope she can calm down quickly because it's obvious that she needs to rest.

We got to go out on a date last night. We saw HITCH and ate at a mexican place. The food wasn't so hot but the movie was great. I really enjoyed it. Can i just say that a good babysitter is PRICELESS? What would i do without Chelsea?

Separation anxiety?

I just have to get this off my chest. I can't believe I am so in the minority about leaving my 13 month old behind while I go on a vacation. Morgan.. sure.. she's old enough. Not that anyone would be available to watch Maya but I just couldn't leave her at her age. I am with her 24 hours a day and then BAM.. see ya in 4 days? Don't you think the kid would wonder what happened to me? Wow. Maybe it's me who is suffering from separation anxiety.. but I need to wait a while for something like that. And yes.. I am a weepy mom who has a hard time with her children getting bigger so quickly. I can GUARANTEE I will cry when Morgan goes to Kindergarten next year. I know that I will love it in the end and I know that it is so good for my little social butterfly, but i am her MOTHER and I can cry if I want to. I plan to cry for Maya too. I shed a few tears on her first birthday. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Enough said. I feel better.

Travel Stinks

I have decided that being married to a man who has to travel for work as often as every other week stinks. What good is the best man in the world if he isn't home?? How to military wives do it? I thought that when I married a computer guy i was pretty safe from travel but no way Jose. When Maya was about 6 weeks old Nathan went on a business trip for 4 days. It was possibly the longest 4 days of my life. My incision got infected and I barely left the house. I think I was gone twice. I braved the park once and got chinese food the other time. mmmm.. that sounds good... I guess I have decided what's for dinner LOL.

I'm feeling pretty good right now. I have gone from being extremely nervous about being pregnant to feeling scared that something will go wrong at my ultrasound on Tuesday. As much as I am frightened about being a mom to 3 I am not wanting to lose this pregnancy. Odds are that things will be ok and I hope they are. I need to keep telling myself that.

Nathan has decided to take Morgan on his trip to Cabo San Lucas. I am pretty excited about that since I get to take Maya to San Antonio by myself and just hang out with my family. Morgan is THRILLED and can't wait to build sand castles with her daddy. I admit I am REALLY going to miss Morgan since I haven't been away from her for that long. She's my little buddy. I look at her these days and I can't believe how HUGE she is. She has such a wonderfully compassionate soul.

A new day

Today is beautiful! It's 80 degrees and the sun is shining. I am taking my kids to the park when Maya gets up from her nap.
I had my appointment with my new OB today. It was great! She is wonderful. I have an ultrasound on March 1st so we'll get to see our little "oopsie" and hopefully that will help me get used to the whole idea of 3 kiddos. I do feel so blessed, just overwhelmed with the two kids being so close in age. They'll be 21 months apart. Amazing. Maya. A big sister. I'm feeling pretty typically pregnant.. some nausea, tired, and some soreness. I find it amazing that i am one of "those" people who get a miracle baby.. a surprise. I still wake up in the morning in disbelief. The Doctor says I am probably almost 7 weeks along. I am looking forward to that sono. Nathan came with me today and watched the kids while I had my exam and talked to the doctor. He was awesome. It went on for quite some time and he did not complain ONCE. I think he feels responsible for this :) but I do appreciate how much he loves his family and how much of a priority it is for him. Who would have thought you could find someone so priceless, on the INTERNET even?

Morning Sickness and More

This morning Nathan got up with Maya and let me sleep a little (in our new bedding from linens n things.. wow.. like the heavenly bed in the Omni hotels.. never had bedding this nice) He's back in bed and I got up because i was feeling a little woozy. uh oh.. gotta cut this short.. Maya's up from her nap. I'll be back.

Joining the crowd..

I've always been a little bit of a crowd follower. I'm going to take a stab at blogging. Today was a good day. My sister Sarah was here for the day and she's left for home now. I get nervous when she drives home late at night. She spent some one on one time with Morgan today and she really enjoyed herself. Morgan is definitely a horse of a different color. She is unreal with waking up in the morning. We put a clock in her room and told her not to come out until after 6:00. Every morning, with out fail... 6:01. Unreal. She is almost always tired. We're considering leaving her alarm clock when daylight savings time comes but the little smarty pants knows the early morning TV schedule. She's becoming a soccer addict much to her daddy's excitement. Here's the newest picture of the two of them.

She is a clone, isn't she!?
Maya's growing so fast but she's still such a little munchkin. She doesn't seem like she is going to be big enough to be a big sister. I bit the bullet and made an appointment with a new OB on Monday since my other one wouldn't fit me in until the middle of March. My friend Holly went to this one and says she is amazing. I hope so. Here's my newest picture of Maya.

What a miracle. That little being grew inside me...

Ok enough for tonight. I'm off to drink some sparkling grape juice with Nathan and sleep on the new bedding we bought today. We had a spendy day :)